Expect the Unexpected

Back to the statement: the only certainty is death . Before death comes, have we told the people in our lives how blessed we are to have them? Have we expressed our love and appreciation to those who matter to us? Have we said sorry to them? Because when people are separated by ego , we can still reach out—as long as we are willing to set our pride aside. However, when people are separated by death , the only thing left is regret . At this age, even though I’m only 28, I’m afraid of death—whether it’s me who passes away, or the people I love. I was devastated to hear the news about the KAJJ train hitting the KRL. I’ve been crying a lot since last night. There are so many people that I wish to meet, racing with death and time that could come anytime to me or to them. I want to say: "I'm sorry for hurting you." "I'm sorry for leaving you." "I'm sorry for taking you for granted." "I'm blessed to have you." "Thank you for co...

The relapse is getting worse. Usually, it happens during August-September. But now, it happens almost everyday. I just woke up from my nap, while breastfeeding Melodie. I dreamt of him... ... and the bracelet that he gave to me. I remembered that I brought it everywhere with me, but somehow... I lost it. I want to find it, but at this moment... I can't. I have 2 little girls to raise.

It turned out, having 2 children were beyond exhausting. My 2nd born, Melodie, was sick. I went to hospital for 4 days in a row. First, she was observed by her pediatrician, before he refered her to pediatrician surgeon. Then, she was having USG and got some medicines. Then, unfortunately, she was allergic to the medicines, so we went back to her pediatrician. I cried almost everyday, imagining my 11 months baby's health. I was overstimulated. My body ached so much that I needed ibuprofen to reduce the pain. I was thinking, "should I go to the E.R. and register myself?"

 🥀 The only thing that certain is death. May our soul will always accept what is destined — include living life to the fullest, before we move to the eternal world. "Till death do us apart." My best friend's mama passed away this dawn. I felt terrible because I just checked my phone while preparing to go to the doctor. I cried. I felt the misery of being left. Moreover, I have left my best friend alone in her lowest time. I should have checked my phone. I could have arrived at her house this morning. I called her. We talked. She said I did not have to worry her, but she said I could come anytime. Ironically, I just met my best friend last week and we talked about life... including her mother's condition that got worse. She said, she knew her mother's time was already set soon.

The quote was a referenced to A Dead Poets Society movie, one of my favorite-must rewatch movie-all time. I found this quote while reading about Artemis II on Thread. It was when the astronouts announced that they named the brightest area on the moon, Carroll, after the late-wife of one of the astronout. Carroll lived in his heart forever, and he brought his love to the moon. He remembered her. He cherished her. He chose her. He loved her. "I love you to the moon and back" phrase did exist, proven by most logical-smart-cool-nerdy people. If NASA were filled with smart people in STEM, I believe they were also had hidden poets and artists. Because, who were we without it? You may be a banker, a lawyer, a doctor, a consultant, but... deep down you'll enjoy to see the moon and stargazing at night, right? Or... was it just me? Somehow, since that announcement, everytime I looked at the moon, I wondered... "Will someone be able to love me from the moon and back...