Expect the Unexpected

If it's not a clear "yes", then it's a "no." If they choose silence instead explain it, let them. We can't read other's mind. If they choose to ignore you, then simply they don't care. If they forget it although it means a lot to you, then you know where your place to that person.

I always remember. In the loudest silence, years of years of longing and yearning. It was a battle each year not to congratulate you, however, you were always in my prayer. Thus, I have finally lowered my ego. After years of battling, then, one afternoon, I congratulated you.  I tested you —your ego, your feeling, your tenderness. This month, I have found my answer: you did not pass the test. You did not care at all.

 Ya Allah, Tolong jauhkan aku dari rasa iri, dendam, dengki, marah, sedih, dan selalu merasa kurang. Ya Allah, Tolong mampukan aku membesarkan kedua anakku, memberikan mereka yang terbaik, menyekolahkan mereka. Ya Allah, Tolong permudahlah segala urusanku, angkatlah bebanku, ringankanlah segalanya, mampukan rezekiku dan kesehatanku. Ya Allah, Tolong ampunilah segala perbuatan maupun ucapanku, yang telah membuat hati orang lain sakit. Ya Allah, Aku hanyalah hamba-Mu, manusia kecil yang penuh dosa. Tuntunlah aku ke jalan-Mu, lindungilah setiap langkahku. Hanya kepada-Mu aku menyembah dan berserah diri.

Hari Minggu malam hujan kelabu. Menambah kenangan dirimu dengan syahdu. Semakin malam, aku semakin rindu. Terasa sesak di dada, hingga tak sadar air mata keluar dengan sendu. Betapa aku ingin mengatakan, "aku cinta kamu." Semua ini masih sama. Dulu, sekarang, dan mungkin... selamanya. Namamu terpatri abadi di dalam hatiku.

I want it. I work for it. I pray it. I finally get it.

I dreamt of you last night. You appeared so perfect, nice, and handsome. I was so happy and laughed at your jokes. You smiled at me and softly talked to me. We met at noon and I felt summer breeze touched my skin perfectly. There were also our friends in my dreams, we all sat comfortably, thus we both only spent the time closer with each other. You knew I only set my eyes on you. I knew you only set your eyes on me. We were the main characters, the rest felt like extras. We were already grown ups, but somehow... it felt like we spent the noon at the canteen after we finished the class. Your smile, soft gaze, attention, and voice filled me to the fullest— you lifted me up. However, when I woke up this morning, I felt the dream was so real until a sudden realization strucked in and I felt heavy on my chest— It was only a dream. Oh, how I wish to the wishing star that you may actually standing in front of me and I could feel those smile, gaze, attention, and voice directly. I remembered C...

Ternyata aku bisa mengasuh 2 anakku sendiri. Sesekali dibantu oleh mama dan kakakku, tentunya. Aku sangat bersyukur ternyata memang Tuhan membuat aku mampu dan waras dalam mengasuh Gia & Odie. Capek? Iya. Ngantuk? Banget. But this too shall pass. Tertanda, dari Nita yang baru aja selesai menyuapi Gia makan nasi dan ayam dengan tangan kanan, sambil memangku Odie dan menyusuinya dengan tangan kiri yang memegang botol susu. Odie udah muat pake baju Gia. Baru aja selesai mandi tadi pagi. Selfie bareng Odie Odie sore ini sebelum dipangku Gia udah selesai makan, Odie ga lama bobo Gia udah ngerti banget diajak foto, senengnya diajak foto Me, happy and sane!