Expect the Unexpected

Just when I about to send the message, a sudden realization come to me. Thus, I shall keep my pride. However, My heart can't lie. My brain can't lie. So, with the little prayer, I shall say... A year has passed. May you always find good things in life. Have a blast.

Call me crazy but I've been in a tarot session tonight... twice, with different person. Moreover, I learned to read tarot by myself since 2025. Ironically, the results are always the same. Sumpah, gue udah tahajud, banyak berdoa, kebawa dalam mimpi, konsul ke psikolog, baca tarot, mind reading, what else yang harus dicoba????! Padahal, deep down I know I ga butuh itu semua. Yang I butuh: I need to talk to you, directly. Ruwet banget ini kepala asdfhjkl.

Ternyata, gue lumayan dikelilingi manusia yang iri dengan kehidupan gue. Entah iri karena bos gue izinin untuk bisa wfh, gaji negotiable yang cukup besar untuk wanita seusia gue, bahkan karena semudah itu mendapatkan cuti. Padahal, gue yakin uang yang masuk ke gue serta waktu kerja fleksibel itu adalah rezeki untuk anak-anak gue supaya gue bisa membersamai mereka. Gaji gue besar, karena gue menanggung mereka, termasuk membiayai kedua orang tua gue yang udah lanjut usia. Gue bisa cuti selama sebulan penuh juga karena hasil negosiasi memperjuangkan hak gue, udah knowledge transfer sebelumnya, dan menyelesaikan pekerjaan yang bisa diselesaikan. Mereka hanya melihat enaknya, sementara mereka nggak lihat gue juga bekerja hingga dini hari, workload numpuk, menjadi palu gada, masuk ke RS karena pendarahan saat hamil 7 bulan karena kelelahan bekerja. Gue pantas mendapatkan gaji, kerja fleksibel, dan cuti karena gue kerja nggak ada jam pasti dan hasil kinerja gue juga cukup bagus. Ada juga, yan...

i think i'll grow old alone by not involving in any other relationship. perhaps i get tired of it, like... i do believe in true love does exist, however, i'm not lucky enough to experience it. i'll be 29 this year, 30 next year, and already have 2 kids. why should I care about man if I already created my next generation? who would love me endlessly like my kid's love me?

"If a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions." "Trust me, if a man wants to be with you, he will make his actions clear. There won't be any questions, murkiness, cloudiness, or fear." "The only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you." #selfreminder from a movie called, He's Just Not That Into You. So, if you ever feel miss me, choose me. Every day. Call me. Be with me. Do not let your ego win, love is louder.

1. Pergi ke Planetarium, karena belum pernah sama sekali ke sana. 2. Pergi SeaWorld Ancol, karena juga belum pernah ke sana. Udah pernah ke BX Sea, tapi the OG-nya kan SeaWorld Ancol. 3. Mau tiduran di tempat yang minim polusi cahaya, tapi bukan momen hiking/trekking, lalu stargazing sampai ketidur kena angin sepoi-sepoi. 4. Mau tiduran di pantai yang pasirnya putih, main air di pinggir pantai. 5. Kejar sunrise, kejar sunset. 6. Piknik di area hutan kota GBK, atau liatin kota Jakarta malam hari dari area tersebut. 7. Main sepeda tandem keliling GBK. Terakhir main ini tahun 2019.

"Responnya tenang, jadi enak diajak diskusinya." Yeaaah, that was how my body coping with trauma. Keliatan tenang, kalem, terkontrol, berkharisma, omongan on point, tapi the OG knows kalo gue aslinya overthinking, insomnia, tiba-tiba nangis sendiri, dan hatinya deg-degan banget.