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The Way of an Adolescence Thinks about Love

I honestly don't know what is exactly happening right now. I don't know what I feel. I don't know what I see. I don't know what I hear.

Saying "love" is not as easy as it seems.

Love is a strong word. A word with a lot of meanings.

And one thing that bother me is... it makes me confused with love.

Is it really love? Or is it just another crush? (well let's play David Archuleta's Crush). Or... is it a kind of obsession?

I see him as if I see my self, as if I stand in front of a mirror. Perfectly reflected, but have different angles. Same but different. A perfect sentence to describe us. As if he's living on North and I'm living on South. We may unite as if we're magnet, but we live seperated too far far away. We see the whole world differently, we live upside down. Is it a reason why do I feel that it's impossible for us to meet? I don't know whether he sees it too or not.

I remember that time when we were just sat next to each other as stranger. Not knowing each's name. Since that day up until now, my heart beats faster, my eyes stuck on you, and as if my body get paralyzed everytime we meet. I don't want to feel like that actually, but what can I do? As if my body has an automatic button for him.

I know he never feels me like the way I feel about him, it's hurt but the dumb thing is... I stay. I stay though he loves someone else. I stay though he's happy with someone else. People said I am dumb. Stupid. Idiot.

The real question they would probably ask is, "why do you stay?"

And... I know the answer.

Because it's enough for me to see he's happy with someone else. Seeing his smile from afar is also undescribed happiness for me. No, I'm not lying or pretending to be strong. But it's true... my happiness is seeing him happy. My happiness is described by his pure laugh. My happiness is reflected by his smile.

I am not brave enough to say that "this is love", because once I love... I do really care and sincere.

I am afraid to love and being loved. Weird, I know.

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