Skip to main content

The Way of an Adolescence Thinks about Love

I honestly don't know what is exactly happening right now. I don't know what I feel. I don't know what I see. I don't know what I hear.

Saying "love" is not as easy as it seems.

Love is a strong word. A word with a lot of meanings.

And one thing that bother me is... it makes me confused with love.

Is it really love? Or is it just another crush? (well let's play David Archuleta's Crush). Or... is it a kind of obsession?

I see him as if I see my self, as if I stand in front of a mirror. Perfectly reflected, but have different angles. Same but different. A perfect sentence to describe us. As if he's living on North and I'm living on South. We may unite as if we're magnet, but we live seperated too far far away. We see the whole world differently, we live upside down. Is it a reason why do I feel that it's impossible for us to meet? I don't know whether he sees it too or not.

I remember that time when we were just sat next to each other as stranger. Not knowing each's name. Since that day up until now, my heart beats faster, my eyes stuck on you, and as if my body get paralyzed everytime we meet. I don't want to feel like that actually, but what can I do? As if my body has an automatic button for him.

I know he never feels me like the way I feel about him, it's hurt but the dumb thing is... I stay. I stay though he loves someone else. I stay though he's happy with someone else. People said I am dumb. Stupid. Idiot.

The real question they would probably ask is, "why do you stay?"

And... I know the answer.

Because it's enough for me to see he's happy with someone else. Seeing his smile from afar is also undescribed happiness for me. No, I'm not lying or pretending to be strong. But it's true... my happiness is seeing him happy. My happiness is described by his pure laugh. My happiness is reflected by his smile.

I am not brave enough to say that "this is love", because once I love... I do really care and sincere.

I am afraid to love and being loved. Weird, I know.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Self Reflection

I haven't wrote anything. But will try to write... again. 4 tahun yang lalu, gue menuliskan tentang masa-masa menjadi maba  (mahasiswa baru) yang baru saja selesai melaksanakan PKKMB. Hari ini, beberapa teman angkatan 2015 sudah melaksanakan wisuda. Gue belum, semoga tahun depan mendapatkan giliran. Aamiin... Btw , entah mengapa pukul segini memang enak untuk menjadi sendu. Bukan sendu dalam konotasi negatif, tetapi cenderung ke arah positif. Tiba-tiba, jadi mengenang apa saja yang terjadi selama 4 tahun belakangan ini. Masa-masa di mana gue melepas seragam putih-abu, dan menggantinya dengan pakaian bebas. Malam ini menjadi sebuah renungan terhadap diri sendiri, atas apa yang telah dicapai, kesalahan, kebahagiaan, pertemanan, dan lain sebagainya. Katanya, kuliah adalah masa terakhir sebelum menghadapi dunia nyata. Katanya, semakin kita dewasa, kita cenderung menjadi realistis... mematikan cita-cita di dalam diri. Mematikan jiwa anak-anak yang ada di dalam hati. ...

Give and Take

What happens to teenager this day? What happens to Indonesian culture about polite, manner, and grace? It's so pathethic that now we rarely see it in our life. Let's take the easiest samples: 1. Menyela pembicaraan orang. 2. Make fun, laugh, yawn, stared hatefully toward the elders (it can be your lecturer or even your parent). 3. Being ignorance, arrogant. 4. This may be the simpliest sample of all... keluar / masuk ruangan tanpa ijin, main kabur,padahal sebenarnya bisa ijin dulu. etc. Some of the examples above are actually based on my observation in actual life. But then the question is: Can we live without polite, manner, and grace? Sekarang coba kalau dibalik. Kita jadi orang yang mendapatkan perlakuan yang tidak sopan. You feel uncomfortable, angry, sad, and insecure, don't you? Is that good? How can we have polite, manner, and grace? Well, I'm kind of person that believe in "Give and Take". Give and take is actually hands that help each oth...

Applications and Deadline.

Requirements for applicants High School student 10th grade (SMA kelas 1) For departure in 2014: Born between 01 August 1996 and 01 August 1998. Permission by parents and school Indonesian Citizens (for YES program participants: not a US passport holder, was not born in the US, one parent is not American citizen) Physically, mentally and spiritually healthy (for YES program participants we provide opportunities for disabled students) Participating and passing the serial stages of selection carried out by Bina Antarbudaya How to Apply Contact your nearest chapter to inform yourself where and when to buy the PIN for application. Open the online application system website. Activate your PIN and choose a username and password. Fill the application in between 14 days. Print out the selection pass card. Print out the Parental Permission, and fill it out. Print out the Acceleration Agreement (for Acceleration class students only). Bring all the printed and completed docum...

That Fangirling Moment When They Talk About F1 (2.0)

I AM RIGHT! I'll present this post to who loves watching F1, to whoever that thinks that no one could break Vettel's record. JUST IN FACT: Max Verstappen is the youngest ever that won a race! Let's take a look back to the Spain GP, of course! I am so proud of my baby-rookie-cutie!! I mean, he's only 18! We are from 1997!! It will be difficult enough to break his record, EVER. (The Spain GP udah lewat lama..... and tomorrow will be the Canada GP, though.) As a huge fan of Sebastian Vettel (don't forget about his younger bro, Fabian) and as a long lost girlfriend of Lewis Hamilton... (sobbing) still and will always be theirs, of course. But I can't resist that I REALLY REALLY excited about Verstappen's achievement. I hope Vettel, Hamilton, Verstappen, or Ricciardo could win the Canada GP! It's enough for Rosberg, I guess. (What an evil mind of mine). As Indonesian, of course I ship Haryanto. I still have that believe. Hamilton came from GP2 once, b...

Sakit dan Menyerah?

Rasanya seperti tamparan keras yang sakitnya bukan hanya terasa di kulit namun sudah menyebar ke dalam jiwa. Sakit... Rasanya membekas seperti hiruk-pikuk kota Jakarta yang tak kunjung pergi. Semakin lama semakin sakit... Ah, apalah si bodoh ini yang hanya mampu merintih kesakitan? Orang pun hanya berlalu-lalang tanpa peduli suara rintihan yang berharap akan sebuah pertolongan. Segala upaya telah dilakukan dan seiring dengan upaya tersebut banyak pengorbanan yang telah dilalui. Ya, pada akhirnya pengorbanan itu yang membuat si bodoh ini kesakitan. Ingin berhenti! Ah, apalah maknanya jika berhenti di tengah jalan? Bukannya manusia diciptakan dengan berbagai macam rintangan untuk dilalui? Entahlah... Apakah sudah letih? Yakin ingin menyerah? Tidak, saya tidak mau menyerah. Saya masih ingin berusaha, namun pada titik ini saya berharap akan adanya uluran tangan. Hanya untuk mengatakan, "semuanya akan baik-baik saja." Tidak lebih.