That Someone

I was just having a nightmare. It was a common dream, but hurt like hell. The dream was about losing someone that I love to another person. In the dream, the news just spread all over the kids, and I didn't hear it from 'that someone' but through the gossips. Once I looked it with my own eyes, I became such a brat, ignoring people who asked "what's wrong with you?", and even ignoring 'that someone' though 'that someone' tried to talk to me, eye to eye. It was such a cheesy dream to be dreamt, seriously, lol

I woke up slowly, all I knew was everything got blurry, and my face was wet, then I realized that I was crying. The tears creeps me out. Am I afraid of getting abandon, forgotten, or left behind by 'that someone'? Am I already having a lot of precious memories with 'that someone' that I couldn't burry easily?

My sense got me.

I'd never know that I could be really despicable about this, losing someone that I love makes me miserable. I wasn't like that before, but why am I feeling like being tortured now?

As a young lady, I love freedom. I don't really think of being attached to anyone now, I am not in searching, but I think... deep down, I know my heart belongs to where and to whom, lol. Once I think some people are being an important thing of my life, I could be very faithful. Now I know, that I already took my sworn to being loyal to 'that someone', though it was unspoken. I couldn't lie to myself, becuse no matter how many times my brain try to manipulate it, my heart always resist. I know that I am being too care to 'that someone'.

Too care and being cared, it drives me crazy.

[Writing the post with sleepy mode on]

Yours,

Nita.

(Photo source: google)

Comments

Lesson of Life

One day, Gue pulang sekolah naik Kopaja 19 menuju Bendungan Hilir. I was sitting at the back seat.. Paling belakang, yang deket pintu belakang, a.k.a deketan sama Keneknya (cie.. cie.. cie..). Hmm, but that's not the story I want to tell you... In the middle of Keheningan yang canggung, dikelilingi lautan mobil yang berhenti total, klakson mobil dimana-mana ditambah dengan polusi kendaraan bermotor, berhiaskan pemandangan FX, suddenly... "SMA, dek?" sang Kenek membuka topik pembicaraan. Gue: *ngangguk, sambil sedikit tersenyum* Kenek: "SMA mana, dek?" Gue: "24" Kenek: "Ohh, di Senayan itu, kan? Mau kuliah dimana?" Gue: *Astagfirullah, selalu dikira kelas XII atau udah kuliah. Asdfghjkl* *sabar* *elus dada* "Masih kelas X, hehe." Kenek: *tampang kaget dan sedikit bersalah* "Ohh, belajar yang pinter ya, Dek. Anak saya baru lulus tahun kemarin dari UI." Gue: "Oh ya?" Kenek: "Iya, alhamdul...

Pancasila, Nasionalisme, dan Eyangkung

Mungkin Eyangkung (Eyang Kakung, Kakek dalam bahasa Jawa) benci disebut-sebut sebagai pahlawan. Tapi, memang kenyataannya begitu. Tidak akan ada Indonesia tanpa Eyangkung dan para pahlawan yang lain. Eyangkung saya bernama Eyang Toegijo Kartosandjojo, beliau lahir di Solo pada 17 Agustus 1919. Eyangkung bersekolah di Neutrale H. I. S Solo dan beliau berprestasi di sekolahnya. Karena prestasi itulah beliau dibebaskan dari les persiapab masuk M. U. L. O. dan pada akhirnya beliau berhasil masuk tanpa melalui tes ujian masuk. Sebagai cucu kesekian, saya sangat bangga mempunyai sosok Eyangkung. Karena beliau, saya selalu bersumpah akan membawa nama baik keluarga. Saya nggak mau menjelekkan nama baik keluarga besar, saya nggak mau dibilang, "cucu pahlawan kok seperti itu?" (Walaupun saya ini memang tergolong bandel sih, cuma bandelnya masih sebatas wajar). Walaupun beliau wafat setahun sebelum saya lahir, banyak cerita yang sudah saya dengar maupun foto-foto beliau yang saya l...

Deadly Alive

There is nothing worse than being lived without soul; trying to breathe but there is no oxygen; feeling sad but do not have any heart; nor lost the most precious inspiration. Deadly alive. It is how I live right now. Making myself to keep busy inside and outside that becomes a habbit right now. To forget the personal problems for awhile. Well, actually trying my best to avoid the emptiness and perhaps... it is more like to run away from anyone and anything. Do not want to be involved in a subjective cycle, because making a high expectation is like commiting a suicide. Being objective means there is no personal feeling attached. Everything is fair and clear. Yup, I am deadly alive.

AFS Frequently Asked.

Where and when can I apply? Every student who is in 10th grade during the application period can apply for the departure in the following year. You apply by using our online application system. What and how much should I write about me in the application? You will provide the most accurate information about yourself. The information you write will be used in the selection process in chapter and national levels. I am not living in Java and the next chapter is far. Do I have to pay the travel costs to the selection location myself? During the chapter selection stages, domestic travel expenses will be your responsibility. Departure in March or August – advantages and disadvantages? Departure time depends on when the academic year starts in the hosting country. Both departure time will give you chance to experience a whole academic year from the beginning to the end, and hopefully will give you a “full” experience as a high school student abroad. What happens at th...

Dear Momma

Dear Momma, If there is any world beside this, if I ever get lost, I hope you will be there for me. You are the one who taught me to stand high in my lowest, to always blessed in every condition, to always patient in this tough world, and to smile behind this fragile body. You are the most strict, discipline, grace, and charming lady I know and I'm so glad that you take care of me as your daughter. Yes, you are my Momma and I am proud to be your daughter. I used to lie sometimes when I was in high school, and since I am now a college student.. I think it's not right and wise enough to hide something from you. You deserve to know anything, you have right. Then, I learn to told you everything. My friends, my love story, my enemies, my college life, my school life, my grades, my problems, and tell you that once I skipped class. For the 18 years of wasting, now I realize that you are my bestest friend in the whole wide world. Then I know you are the one who colored up my dark wo...

Expect the Unexpected

Search This Blog