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Intermezzo: crumbling and tearing

The taller the tree the more wind blows, they said.
Work hard until you don't need to introduce yourself, said them too.
I am at the 500th step to reach those.
It's still million stairs away to be climbed, though.

The thing is... they expect too much on me.
The perfection that they seek is haunting me.
Well, nobody's perfect but they still expect me to be.
It's killing me.
Once I make a mistake, they will judge me and talking behind my back.
And I am not strong enough to take that, almost everyday.
I am still a human.
I seek for chances to be better and better.

The ironic thing is, I am a perfection.
A symptom that is already running in my blood.
I can't see the world easily.
I see things in details.
I see people in very tiny details.
I read their mind.
I smell their gesture.

That's why, I am really overwhelmed by the imperfection that I have. The flaws that I don't want people to see it, yet they do.

I am afraid.

I am afraid of being bullied.

I am afraid of getting hurt.

I am afraid of being abandoned.

I am just a scared little girl.

And...

Today...

It seems like the worst day of my life.

It's not just about from the competition that I had earlier, but it comes from my inner circle.

A, B, C, D, etc. The problems come in a day. I repeat... IN A DAY!

God,

I need to protect my inner circle.

I need to keep them safe and sound.

I need to keep my mouth shut so they would not worry me.

I need to take care of the responsibilities.

I. Am. Overwhelmed.

My world is crumbling and tearing apart.
I ain't have a charm thus I only bring disaster to them.

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