Expect the Unexpected

Don't Rain On My Parade (Funny Girl musical, sung by Barbra Streisand, covered by Glee cast) Don't tell me not to live, Just sit and putter, Life's candy and the sun's A ball of butter. Don't bring around a cloud To rain on my parade. Don't tell me not to fly-- I've simply got to. If someone takes a spill, It's me and not you. Who told you you're allowed To rain on my parade! I'll march my band out, I'll beat my drum, And if I'm fanned out, Your turn at bat, sir. At least I didn't fake it. Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it! But whether I'm the rose Of sheer perfection, Or freckle on the nose Of life's complexion, The cinder or the shiny apple of its eye, I gotta fly once, I gotta try once, Only can die once, right, sir? Ooh, life is juicy, Juicy, and you'll see I'm gonna have my bite, sir! Get ready for me, love, 'Cause I'm a "comer," I simply gotta march, My heart's a drummer. Don'

Gue baru aja ngebaca blog kakak gue yang pertama, Mba Tita, Dia adalah kakak pertama gue yang super galak, super ngangenin , yang bikinin email pertama gue, yang bikinin Friendster (Hahahaha waktu itu masih hits banget), yang bikinin Facebook, yang sama-sama sibuk di dunia masing-masing kalau udah di pameran buku, yang ngasih latihan-latihan soal Try Out yang tebalnya mungkin 2 rim buat latihan ujian, dan yang paling hobi baking . Mba Tita is the one who taught me to bake, too, beside my Mom. And... She said that I am the one who love to eat among Mom and Mba Andes. Yeah, right.. I'd never get tired of being your kelinci percobaan with your recipes, sis. Jadi di blognya, Mba Tita pernah posting tulisan dia berantem sama pacarnya dulu (which her husband, now) sampai d i-screencapture di blognya, loh. Di tulisan itu Mba Tita sampai menangis semalaman karena udah sebel banget, dan bangun dengan muka yang sembap. *Sebenarnya agak amazed gitu, dulu gue, Mba Tita, Mba Andes selalu t

As I said before we are less the same. And destiny is something we can't blame. As we live in two different poles. It seems pretty far for us to get close. As the earth rotates slowly, You're getting closer to me. As we may united, Probably I'll make our own ballad. But... Can't you see that we live differently? Oh, You... Me... How many probabilities that we have? How can we complete and salve? You're a beautiful creature. That make me crazier. I may fall deep in those sad eyes. Too deep as if I'm drowning in magis. Almost a year I'm drowning. But weird.. I'm not even dying. I enjoy it though it hurts. Maybe I'm one of those experts... That will stay though invisible. ***

Aku memang bukan ahli agama. Tetapi ada satu ayat Al-Qur'an yang selalu aku ingat kapanpun dan dimanapun itu. Ayat ini sudah menemani aku sebagai doa tambahan sebelum dan sebangun tidur, dan doa shalat sejak aku masih duduk di bangku sekolah dasar. Mungkin karena terbiasa membaca ayat ini, bahkan ketika berada di dalam perjalanan, duduk di mobil, baru tiba di kelas, aku otomatis membaca ayat ini di dalam hati. Entah mengapa, tetapi ayat ini mampu menenangkan hati aku di dalam kondisi resah, gelisah, marah, sedih, takut, semua emosi yang aku rasakan.  Hmm... Ayat ini membuatku merasa aman di dalam perlindungan-Nya.. Ayat ini adalah ayat ke-255 dari Q.S. Al-Baqarah, yang lazimnya kita kenal sebagai Ayat Kursi. Ayat ini jika diartikan memang berisi tentang keesaan, keagungan, dan kemuliaan Tuhan. Ayat Kursi adalah salah satu ayat Al-Qur'an yang agung. Aku nggak  meminta kalian wajib menghafalnya, tetapi memang sebaiknya kalian mau menghafalnya. (Q.S Al-Baqarah :

Jakarta , Juli 2016. Dear Om, First of all I want to say Happy 45th Birthday to you, the Father of my beloved friend... Devina! I wish nothing but the best for you, Sir. May Allah gives you a healthy life with His joys and blessings. I know we haven't got a chance to meet in person, yet, but I've heard a lot about you while Devina and I were still in high school. Don't worry, Devina told me about your kindness, though. Second, as we may in the spirit of holy month, I will say happy ied mubarak 1437 H to you, sir! May Allah forgives all of our sins and gives us His blessings. Let's keep the spirit until next ramadhan, and hopefully we'll meet next year. Your daughter, Devina, is a wonderful young lady. She's one of my favorite during the high school. I've seen her laugh, cry, angry, and most of it... She was busy being her self, a true freaking (imaginary) Mrs. Bieber. You're lucky to have her as your daughter because you would never get

Lately, for this past seven days I always had a nightmare. The nightmare was so awful and it made me cry in my sleep. The weird thing was, I didn't even remember what dreams it were. I woke up with red and wet eyes without knowing what just happened in my dreams. The only dream that I remember is actually the dream of Momma died. Just it. I am kinda wondering what nightmares that I had. And it makes me kinda afraid to fall asleep because of imaging my self having a nightmare, again. It makes me thinking whether I forget to pray before I go to bed, I get cursed by God, or the nightmares are actually the signs that God sent to me, or... What? So what's happening?

And eventually I'm just a scared little lady. The super sensitive one when people talked about "family bond." I would cry easily on my Momma's lap when we had a deep conversation. She's my hero, my wonderwoman. The one who rescued me in my lowest. The one who protected me whenever I needed her. So, two days ago we had a deep conversation. It was about manner. " Kamu mbok ya jangan ngomong sama Mama kaya gitu.. nanti dosa ," she said when we got started. I was standing beside her while she sat on the sofa. We were talking about the latest movie actually -not the deep conversation, yet-. "Kalo ngomong sama orang tua, apalagi sama Mama, jangan sampe Mama harus mengadah liat kamu... Tatapan mata kita sejajar aja udah salah... " I was like.. . krik. Speechless. " Justru dari dulu k epala Mama lebih rendah daripada kepala Eyangti, lho. Nanti kualat kamu kaya gitu, De... Mama dari dulu mau ingetin kamu tapi lupa terus. Tiap abis shalat,

I don't know what kind of these feelings before. The mixed feelings that I'd never imagined for almost a year. It's magical... Like golden fairy dust on the meadow. It's lyrical... Like the humming bird sings on my meadow. I used to be afraid, pretending, ignoring, and trying to hide. But... slowly, I am brave enough to admit it. I couldn't say anything else. And I don't hope anything too. And it's enough for me to know, to feel, and to realize it. I am starting to see things clearly.... With a little doubt there. Could it be... Wait a moment... No. Shall I ask once more. Would it be us?

I'm watching you from afar, As if I'm seeing the brightest star. But, what can I do? You're too perfect to be true. You're my wish upon the falling star, Only hope that looks so bizarre. You're my song that I sing, Only happiness that you bring. You're my lullaby to my sleep, Only your love that I keep. I'll forever be blue and you'll forever be red. We can be purple, instead. Hey, you... You're my perfectly imperfect. ***

Somewhere Only We Know By. KEANE *** I walked across an empty land I knew the pathway like the back of my hand I felt the earth beneath my feet Sat by the river and it made me complete Oh simple thing where have you gone? I'm getting old and I need something to rely on So tell me when you're gonna let me in I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin I came across a fallen tree I felt the branches of it looking at me Is this the place we used to love? Is this the place that I've been dreaming of? Oh simple thing where have you gone? I'm getting old and I need something to rely on So tell me when you're gonna let me in I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin And if you have a minute why don't we go Talk about it somewhere only we know? This could be the end of everything So why don't we go Somewhere only we know? Somewhere only we know? Oh simple thing where have you gone? I'm getting old and I need something to rely on So tell me

"I hope I will never be in your depressive mode." Someone said this a few days ago. Those words keep repeating in my mind. It's actually something bother me lately. Since now I know who I really am, I'm wondering... "Do I really put some people in my depressive mode? Or those people are the cause of my depressive mode?" Am I healthy enough to think clearly? Can I really control my feelings or my emotions? I am really blessed and thankful enough to the people who I trust to share about, have been so helpful by cheer me up, knowing that I can tell them anything without afraid of getting judgement. But thankfully, the person who said those words is not someone that I put in my depresive mode nor the cause of it. The person is actually 1 out of 2 people who I recently talk anything with. " I hope it doesn't change our friendship." The person said it too. Different context, but linked. No, it doesn't change our frien