Expect the Unexpected

Sepertinya menyenangkan ya, untuk hidup di Neverland? Hidup bersama Peterpan dan Lost Child, menjalani keseharian sebagai anak kecil. Mereka hanya melihat dunia dengan naif dan gamblang. Berpikir kalau semua orang itu baik. Tidak mempunyai tanggung jawab yang besar, beban yang dipikul, perasaan menggelora yang sulit dikendalikan, semuanya seakan-akan dapat dilepaskan begitu saja melalui canda dan tawa. Apakah egois jika seorang mahasiswa ingin kembali menjadi anak sekolah? Memakai seragam putih-merah, well... atau putih-abu. Kembali merasakan terik matahari saat upacara bendera di hari Senin, ada yang berpura-pura sakit supaya diizinkan istirahat, ada juga yang dihukum karena tidak memakai atribut lengkap. Ingin rasanya untuk kembali merasakan kegiatan pramuka, diselingi dengan Perkemahan Sabtu Minggu. Menjadi seorang mahasiswa berarti hanya tinggal selangkah lagi untuk mencapai sosok jati diri yang sesungguhnya. Mereka ada yang malas, ada yang rajin, ada yang pintar, ada yang senang

There is nothing worse than being lived without soul; trying to breathe but there is no oxygen; feeling sad but do not have any heart; nor lost the most precious inspiration. Deadly alive. It is how I live right now. Making myself to keep busy inside and outside that becomes a habbit right now. To forget the personal problems for awhile. Well, actually trying my best to avoid the emptiness and perhaps... it is more like to run away from anyone and anything. Do not want to be involved in a subjective cycle, because making a high expectation is like commiting a suicide. Being objective means there is no personal feeling attached. Everything is fair and clear. Yup, I am deadly alive.

Thank you for believing in me when no one else did. Thank you for cheering me when the others mocked at me. Thank you for supporting me when no one else would. Thank you for caring me when no one cared. From the moment I knew you, I see you as a father. Now you, the father figure that I idolized will be leaving soon. I want you to be there at my graduation. I want you to be the first one, along with my parents, to know when I get a scholarship abroad. I want you to be there when I achieve my goal. And now... it will be only a dream. A dream that won't be a reality. You taught me to live in passion. You taught me to be disciplined. You taught me to respect people and to be on time. You taught me the lesson of life. You taught me to see the beauty in the ugly. You... taught me a lot of things that I did not know before. I am sorry. That I am nobody right now. That I failed to make you proud. That I stuck and trap. I am sorry. That I cried when you texted me toda

Since I became EXOL, my standard of ideal type is getting higher. Lol. Give me Park Chanyeol, please.

Hello, it's been a while since I write the blog. A lot of things happened since a month ago. Alhamdulillah , I accomplished more than I expected. Starting from winning an internal essay competition, writing novels, chosen as the internal Mahasiswa Berprestasi in the campus, start to living my dream as an artist (which I super enjoy!), and doing some public speaking stuffs. It is way too much in a month, right?! But I know that is not enough. I am still willing to learn and to achieve more. The way I am now is not prepared enough to face the cruel of the world. Anyway, It feels like I am living with two alter egos right now. There are the quite and the confident side in my soul, lol. My Mom told me that I was reaaaally coward as a little girl, I got scared easily, I was afraid of meeting new people, and I suddenly jumped and hugged my Mom whenever people were trying to approach me. She said that it takes half of my age (I will be 20 this December) to change the way I used to be